Zhang Meng: Emotion management is so simple, only this step is enough


What are you thinking about on the eighth day of the lunar New Year?Don’t you get up early?I’m sure many of my wechat readers are super early risers, but many of you may have just met me when you were in the process of transforming yourself from a super lazy cancer sufferer to a self-disciplined person.When I was talking to my fans last year, one thing I noticed was that if they had followed me for more than 2,000 days, they were all early risers.They say, “I’ve known you 2,000 days, and I’ve gotten up early more than 1,900 days.”I was very happy, which means that mysterious chemistry happens, and the hardest thing for a person to change is a habit.Many people think that the hardest thing to change is a person’s temperament, a person’s character.In fact, I think personality change is really difficult, but you can start with habit change.I have to admit, in my ninth year of entrepreneurship, my self-transformation has been truly transformative for me.I used to be very impatient, I think it may be the influence of the original family, because the family took me more impatient, so I have encountered some problems since childhood, are that kind of special impatient state, often sometimes very anxious, encounter things lost steady and calm, often explode.I remember when I was in college, I used to cry a lot. For me, although I had a state of perseverance, the anxiety of my character was very obvious.In fact, it was difficult to control my personality when I was just starting my own business. When I was just starting my own business, most of my senior executives were male, and they were very tolerant to me.But when I was diagnosed with multiple thyroid nodules in 2016, it really gave me a signal that the personality of people like me had to change.At that time, I began to understand that although I could get up early at that time, it was actually a habit of mine, but I did not push this good habit to other habits, so that other habits can be verified by this thing.So at that time I started to go to extreme control of my emotions.For example, get angry and suppress it, or say that often sometimes are already angry, and then let yourself do sports to ease down.But you know what?When you have bad emotions, bad emotions have already occurred, once bad emotions have occurred, based on the whole body changes have already begun to occur.Because the hormone is already there, and even if you can suppress it, but sorry all those negative effects are already happening, so even if you suppress it, what are you suppressing?You repress the hurt to others, but in fact the bad reaction to yourself has already occurred at the moment of the bad emotion.So there’s probably a couple of components to it for anybody. The first component is that when you have a bad mood, your own hormones start to change, and these negative effects start to flow through your body.Secondly, if you are exercising emotional control, it seems that you are not angry in essence, but you are actually reducing the harm to others. Therefore, exercising emotional control after the emotion has occurred is an act that hurts yourself but not others.Some people say it’s over if I just get angry?It’s already done, and it’s made worse by the fact that you’re not only hurting yourself, you’re hurting the other person, because any kind of negative emotion, any kind of verbal abuse, is a way of damaging the relationship.You know that building relationships over the years doesn’t necessarily build trust, but breaking them all at once is enough.This is why sometimes we have to sweat, why should be cautious of a fundamental reason, is the interpersonal relationship, its repair cost is too high, you offended a person to save a person’s cost, and you build a good relationship with this person can be the same cost?When you think about it from this perspective, you realize that real emotion management is not only about hurting others, but also about not having negative emotions at all.You think if something bad happens to you, you get emotional, you suppress the emotion, the hurt to yourself is still there, the hurt to others stops.The second choice is to encounter a thing, their own emotions, to others must fire out, that is to their own harm, harm to others also produced.Of course, I hope you have a third choice, although you may not think that the third emotion is a bad thing. If you do not have emotions, there is no way to control emotions, and the harm to others will not happen naturally.He said you would ask me, ‘sister I know all you said easy to truth, I know all logic, you also don’t say I often found students often like before I could say the reason principle, directly ask me why, cacy teacher don’t say so much, you just tell me what to do, this time is much I do not know why.So what we’ve come to the conclusion is that it’s better not to have emotions when you encounter some problems, especially when you encounter negative things. How do you do that?And the way you do that is you have to change a model of thinking, and by thinking model, it’s how I think about things.I have many times especially the year before last year in the public number quite much, it is to change a person’s thinking, thinking is what thinking?It’s how you think about things.The best way to think is if you don’t have a set of effective thinking, you have to learn to use someone else’s, to borrow a set of thinking.In fact, there is a lot of ancient wisdom in the world, such as the wisdom of Lao Zi, Confucius, the Book of Changes and Zeng Guofan. Why not use it?At first, the wisdom of others seems a little difficult, but you recite it, and over time it develops your own way of thinking.So the best way to train yourself to think is not to create it yourself, because you don’t have it. The best way is to memorize someone else’s first, graft the highest level of thinking into your own brain, repeat it over and over again, and finally it becomes a way of thinking that is integrated into your body.So in 2016, I was faced with nodules in my thyroid gland. At that time, I finally understood a problem: fire is not suppressed, but you do not produce fire at all.I was constantly thinking about who could help me, and I found that Chinese philosophical thinking is actually an effective way to cultivate one’s way of thinking.Why do you think philosophy came into being in the earliest times?Most of them are about the heaven and earth, the natural phenomena, I can not understand my pain, and then to deduce what I should do according to everything in nature.Is it not through natural germination, the principles of nature that form their own methodology?Therefore, you can see that a lot of wisdom in Laozi is about observing nature, and the wisdom in the BOOK of Changes is about observing nature. Therefore, in such a system, the wisdom of the ancients is also formed because they have a lot of confusion, so they gradually form a way of thinking.For example, what puzzles you today, you must believe that you have also confused others, but others have solved this problem, but now you have not realized that this is a problem, so shelved until now you have not solved.But the present moment is always the best moment for me to solve the problem.How can we specifically solve our way of thinking, to give you a few examples.For example, sometimes bad things happen to me. Often, everyone will find out why I am so unlucky and criticized by the leader. Sometimes, I am very unhappy and some bad things happen to me at every turn.For example, the epidemic has hit us hard. What kind of wisdom can help you at this time? I must think of wisdom related to good fortune and misfortune right now.In fact, in the Tao Te Ching (Chapter 58 of Lao Tzu), there is a passage called: “Misfortune, happiness depends on;Happiness is the source of misfortune.”What you mean?That is, the blessing and the misfortune are interdependent and mutually transformed, that is to say, the blessing is conditional on the misfortune, the misfortune and the blessing can be transformed into each other, misfortune can be transformed into blessing, blessing can also be transformed into misfortune, you say that this thing exists?Let’s think about it, let’s say a person with a million people, for example, is a million people a good thing or a bad thing in your perception?No, $1 million is too little. Let’s switch to $10 million.Is a person winning 10 million dollars in the lottery a good thing or a bad thing?Some people say it’s a good thing, suddenly 10 million more, and I tell you I don’t think so, because if a person used to be able to control 10 million, then 10 million is going to make the most of it.But have you ever thought that a person may have no bank account of 100,000 in the past, and suddenly 10 million falls from the sky? I think it is not a good thing for him.This 10 million just like thunder directly to his own body, you have thought how he will control this 10 million, first of all, he will not obediently deposit in the bank, he will think I want to control it.However, when a person does not have the ability to control money, now you let him control a sum of money, this time for him, he has not trained this skill, if you do not know that this skill is a loss of their own, you immediately try to use this skill, you must be completely failed.It’s like a person who has never learned to drive, and now you hand him a Lamborghini and you say you drive it, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Of course it is a bad thing.So you see a lot of some touch the lottery, or the family is destroyed, or their life quickly squandered, the whole lost his life, this is the blessing and misfortune of mutual transformation, interdependent premise.So sometimes you met a bad thing, don’t say I how so unlucky, perhaps because of the bad things happen to them, it indicate you are need to improve and upgrade space, when you finish the improvement and upgrade space, you become more severe, the natural your curse into a blessing.So you see I want to talk to you through a little thing like this, and ultimately what changes our thinking must be that you are closer to philosophy.The live broadcast finally started at 7:00 this evening, but I don’t know whether you want me or not. Although you can hear my voice every day, it has been a long time since we met, right?Tonight is 7:00, I will talk to you about the pattern of life, that is, the establishment and formation of good habits. At the same time, I will also talk to teacher Xue Ping. I am looking forward to seeing you and seeing you tonight.

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