What fortress Besieged reveals about marriage: whether a couple will “quarrel” determines the quality of marriage


When I read the first half of Qian’s Fortress Besieged before marriage, I could only feel that his words were caustic and humorous.After marriage, when we look at the second half of the marriage, we often feel sad: two days of a small argument, three days of a big argument, and finally almost fight, fang Hung-chien and Sun Jia-rou’s married life in such a chicken feather.Perhaps this is also the portrayal of many couples in real life: want to leave, want to be bad.Especially to middle-aged people, old, small, pressure people out of breath, watching the hopeless marriage, how many people despair to lose their voice!In fact, between husband and wife, the first thing to learn how to fight.Quarrel between husband and wife is a practice.01 Quarrel between husband and wife, is a kind of emotional vent between husband and wife, only through quarrel, can know the true idea of the partner, find the problem, can solve the problem.Behind every quarrel, there is no place to put the outbreak of emotion.It’s important to see your partner’s emotions and express your own.In the happiest marriage in the world, there are 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 urges to strangle each other in your lifetime, according to The Rules for A Happy Marriage by Gwen Juli.Xu Bochang and Liu Shufen in the movie “No Questions about The West” never quarrel, because Xu often refuses to communicate with his wife and even does not share daily necessities such as bowls, cups and chopsticks with her.No matter what his wife did, liu turned into a shrew and finally jumped to her death.Quarrel between husband and wife is also a different kind of communication.In books, TV dramas and real life, there are many people who quarrel with each other.In marriage, the biggest killer is not the quarrel between husband and wife, but the cold violence of the partner, the communication after turning a blind eye.The most painful thing is when your partner doesn’t fight with you and has no outlet for his emotions.In Fortress Besieged, Fang Hong’s bad idea of gradually darkening and stamping must have made many people angry: “Once upon a time, I had no choice but to suffocate in my heart and could not vent at will. No one is the punching bag for anyone.Now, however, you can’t be so angry with anyone as you are with your wife.It is not necessary to say that parents and brothers, friends will break up, servants will strike, only the wife like Homer’s epic wind god’s leather bag, suffer the largest capacity, after all, divorce is not easy.”Maybe some friends will say: if I were Sun Jiarou, divorce immediately.But whose day is not a chicken, depends on who can clean.An argument between a husband and wife is not a contest.More important than venting is seeing the emotions and needs behind your partner’s argument.The pain of marriage, is because of beg and not, not what to what;The liberation of marriage is to learn to quarrel.In the TV drama settling down, the wife Ann Beibei wants to buy a new two-bedroom school house. She doesn’t want to bring her in-laws with her, but her husband strongly opposes it.Then the two men disagreed, and as they talked, they brought up the old scores: the wife said that the husband had done better things for the family than delivering goods;The husband said his wife was ungrateful, and the argument got louder and louder, and the marriage was on the rocks.Dig up old scores, already deepen the contradiction between husband and wife, and hurt people hurt yourself;No matter when hurtful angry words should be cautious!In “Happiness Trio 3”, Wu Jing disliked the noodles cooked by Xie Nan with sugar, which was not delicious.Xie Nan wronged angry at the same time, just stand up to leave this space, let oneself calm down, only gentle voice and Wu Jing communication: she is in accordance with her previous feel the most delicious way to do the noodles, do not know he likes it or not.Wu Jing suddenly realized and said yummy yummy.Xie Nan then also said: the next daughter-in-law to do food can not say not delicious!This can be regarded as a textbook operation to see a lot of netizens: can it be so?I thought I was gonna eat melon, but I got candy.Quarrel is a necessary course in marital life.Of course, fighting is about solving problems, not creating them.Instead of revisiting the past, remember the past and be grateful for your partner’s tolerance, commitment and dedication.People with the same emotional patterns get together. Marriage is a mirror, reflecting all of yourself.Reflect on what you do not do enough, be kind to the people who accompany you, is to be kind to yourself.There is a sentence in the theme song of “The Legend of New Lady White” : “Ten years of repair to cross the ship together, a hundred years of repair to sleep together.”Li Ye in “eight to” wrote: “high to tomorrow month, close to sparse husband and wife.”Husband and wife are the smallest unit of the family in this society. In modern society, marriage is more or less possible because of love.Once two people in love, can go hand in hand to get married, are lucky by fate care.Cherish the fate of the present, the quarreling mode between husband and wife, also need to practice well, for example: when quarreling, directly tell your partner your emotions, do not let the other party guess, but add trouble.In Fortress Besieged, Sun Jiayu doesn’t want Fang Hung-chien and Chao Hsin-mei to go to dinner, but she doesn’t say so.When he came back, he quarreled with him in anger and said: If you love me, you will know without my saying…This is indeed something that many young women do.Obviously in the heart do not want him to do this, to the mouth to say it is ok, in the heart and expect him to understand you, to be able to guess your mind.To be honest, most straight men don’t understand this mindset, or don’t want to, preferring the more direct approach.So be direct: How would I feel, what would I wish you would do, and how you would make me happier?Zheng Jun and Liu Yun from the beginning of everyone is not optimistic, to now so many years of ups and downs or conjugality, and Liu Yun’s “careless” inseparable.Zheng Jun’s ex-wife Sun Feng is a good wife and mother type personality, what things are buried in the heart, did not express, to the end can not stand divorce.And Liu Yun outspoken, after two people run in, but accidentally in tune, fulfill each other, success of their own.Couples need to express their true emotions, either through fighting or through calm communication.Fight with a clear purpose. Two people fight with a consensus to solve the problem. Then, every fight is like a phoenix rising from the ashes.There will be fewer friction points between two people or in the family, and the relationship will become more compatible.Therefore, only by managing their own small family can they help each other and jointly resist this sometimes warm, sometimes cold and thin world.Gibran once wrote: marriage, is the strong love of two people together in order to overcome the ups and downs of the journey.No two people are born suitable, respect each other, both sides of the lifestyle gradually consistent, can enter a harmonious marriage life, the ground into a feather duster.Life is long, husband and wife is not easy, and line and practice!Author: Yun Yao Yao, a walking between reality and words, trying to use words to convey warmth and love of the second child mother.

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